a final word...

The evidence, then, is that at the very end beyond thought and beyond fear and beyond even self-compassion and divine belwilderment there remains some firm intention to continue doing forever and ever what we last hoped to do on earth. By this final act they had come about as close as body and spirit can to establishing a unity of themselves with earth, fire, and perhaps the sky.

This is as far as we are able to accompany them. When the fire struck their bodies, it blew their watches away. The two hands of a recovered watch had melted together at about four minutes to six. For them, that may be taken as the end of time.

from Young Men and Fire by N. Maclean

always with me (english transl)

Somewhere, a voice calls, in the depths of my heart
May I always be dreaming, the dreams that move my heart
So many tears of sadness, uncountable through and through
I know on the other side of them I'll find you
Everytime we fall down to the ground we look up to the blue sky above
We wake to it's blueness, as for the first time
Though the road is long and lonely and the end far away, out of sight
I can with these two arms embrace the light
As I bid farewell my heart stops, in tenderness I feel
My silent empty body begins to listen to what is real
The wonder of living, the wonder of dying
The wind, town, and flowers, we all dance one unity
Somewhere a voice calls in the depths of my heart
Keep dreaming your dreams, don't ever let them part
Why speak of all your sadness or of life's painfull woes
Instead let the same lips sing a gentle song for you
The whispering voice, we never want to forget,
In each passing memory always there to guide you
When a miror has been broken, shattered pieces scattered on the ground
Glimpses of new life, reflected all around
Window of beginning, stillness, new light of the dawn
Let my silent, empty body be filled and reborn
No need to search outside, nor sail across the sea
Cause here shining inside me, it's right here inside me
I've found a brightness, it's always with me

... if i could throw strikes

Not to take anything away from Coach Kieran's finely-tuned weekly game recaps -- for I truly believe them Pulitzer quality -- I suspect they lack a certain something. Realism. This small criticism stems primarily from the failure to grasp a key reality, presence on the field. Me.

Of course.

All that is necessary to redeem them from this small, albeit fatal flaw is to include my highlights from each game. Which I will do for you, the reader, in just a few sentences. But yes, first I must positively confirm that had that foul ball hit the windshield or other glassy surface of the Prius, as opposed to the roof, I would have run as far and as fast away as my less-than-petite legs would carry me. Judging from my exceptional performance at the 10K a few weeks past, it is no exaggeration to imagine me almost 1mile away within 24minutes of hitting the unfortunate ball into the front seat of a energy-happy hybrid. But truly, all this attention is making me blush -- so on to the essential highlights.

• Trotting in from 2nd, I caught a soft fly ball. It was amazing.
• I threw home for the first time, ever. The guy scored anyway.
• Recovering a grounder deflected off the SS I spun around and looked intimidatingly at the runner scoring from third. So intimidating that passersby had their breath frozen and would never have suspected that I was dizzy from spinning to get the ball. Blurry-vision spinning. Given the way our team throws, holding onto the ball was probably the best play of the game.
• In the bottom of the last inning with my team down, I painted the right field line for a double. And I don't care what ANYONE says -- it was fair in spirit.

Next week there will be two softball games to report on. Till then!

subject: softball

When we last gathered on this blog to discuss my softball capabilities, I was recuperating from an intense interview between my face and a groundball.

This was a sad time.
I was sad.

But that was then and this is not then.
And NOW (drumroll please) for the not then update ---

I have

1. returned to 2nd base
2. not improved at all
3. hit into a triple-play
4. won the 1st base coach over to my way of thinking
5. become the official (in my way of thinking) team mascot

And just last eve I was instructed on how to hold a baseball bat; i.e, tightly. As in "not like I hold a golf club. Really?"

What an intense revelation!

how would you like to be blurred?

Don't Ask Don't Tell isn't just insulting to the nation's gay and lesbian soldiers. It isn't just an injustice to these soldiers. It is an insult and an injustice to their partners.

Click here for an excellent video op-ed on the matter.

There would be outrage if parents risked their child's military career by merely acknowledging them. Kudos to "Clay's" partner for putting a human face, albeit blurred, on this barbarism. And shame on the rest of us!

one of the great songs of the last century

He was just a Scotsman so... (click to play)

sushi

Its real nice. And at Kotobuki its real cheap.

Me likey!

thoughts pre-Dothan

I've smiled so much this morning (already) that I might have maxed out my quota for the rest of this month. As I have an expansive smile-quota, so that's really saying something!!! I dare the smile police to come get me and arrest me.
Hopefully I can count on someone posting bail... :-)

are we there yet?

Probably not.

Big deal.

Relax.

Take that chill pill. (Note: if Benadryl is the CP of choice, don't follow with booze.)

Go look at some tulips. (Or other pretty flower-like object in bloom.)

Have some pasta.

Eat some delicious homemade bread.

Sleep.

Dream happy.

Gay Marriage and Religious Freedom -- Get the Facts Straight

This is a truly excellent short video. A must watch for anyone interested in liberty, freedom of religion, and an informed electorate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0dKMhYSX20&feature=player_embedded

3 questions...

One day it occurred to a certain emperor that if he only knew the answers to three questions, he would never stray in any matter.

What is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?

The emperor issued a decree throughout his kingdom announcing that whoever could answer the questions would receive a great reward. Many who read the decree made their way to the palace at once, each person with a different answer.

In reply to the first question, one person advised that the emperor make up a thorough time schedule, consecrating every hour, day, month, and year for certain tasks and then follow the schedule to the letter. Only then could he hope to do every task at the right time.

Another person replied that it was impossible to plan in advance and that the emperor should put all vain amusements aside and remain attentive to everything in order to know what to do at what time.

Someone else insisted that, by himself, the emperor could never hope to have all the foresight and competence necessary to decide when to do each and every task and what he really needed was to set up a Council of the Wise and then to act according to their advice.

Someone else said that certain matters required immediate decision and could not wait for consultation, but if he wanted to know in advance what was going to happen he should consult magicians and soothsayers.

The responses to the second question also lacked accord.

One person said that the emperor needed to place all his trust in administrators, another urged reliance on priests and monks, while others recommended physicians. Still others put their faith in warriors.

The third question drew a similar variety of answers. Some said science was the most important pursuit. Others insisted on religion. Yet others claimed the most important thing was military skill.

-------------------------------

The emperor was not pleased with any of the answers, and no reward was given.

After several nights of reflection, the emperor resolved to visit a hermit who lived up on the mountain and was said to be an enlightened man. The emperor wished to find the hermit to ask him the three questions, though he knew the hermit never left the mountains and was known to receive only the poor, refusing to have anything to do with persons of wealth or power. So the emperor disguised himself as a simple peasant and ordered his attendants to wait for him at the foot of the mountain while he climbed the slope alone to seek the hermit.

Reaching the holy man's dwelling place, the emperor found the hermit digging a garden in front of his hut. When the hermit saw the stranger, he nodded his head in greeting and continued to dig. The labor was obviously hard on him. He was an old man, and each time he thrust his spade into the ground to turn the earth, he heaved heavily.

The emperor approached him and said, "I have come here to ask your help with three questions: When is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?"

The hermit listened attentively but only patted the emperor on the shoulder and continued digging. The emperor said, "You must be tired. Here, let me give you a hand with that." The hermit thanked him, handed the emperor the spade, and then sat down on the ground to rest.

After he had dug two rows, the emperor stopped and turned to the hermit and repeated his three questions. The hermit still did not answer, but instead stood up and pointed to the spade and said, "Why don't you rest now? I can take over again." But the emperor continued to dig. One hour passed, then two. Finally the sun began to set behind the mountain. The emperor put down the spade and said to the hermit, "I came here to ask if you could answer my three questions. But if you can't give me any answer, please let me know so that I can get on may way home."

The hermit lifted his head and asked the emperor, "Do you hear someone running over there?" The emperor turned his head. They both saw a man with a long white beard emerge from the woods. He ran wildly, pressing his hands against a bloody wound in his stomach. The man ran toward the emperor before falling unconscious to the ground, where he lay groaning. Opening the man's clothing, the emperor and hermit saw that the man had received a deep gash. The emperor cleaned the wound thoroughly and then used his own shirt to bandage it, but the blood completely soaked it within minutes. He rinsed the shirt out and bandaged the wound a second time and continued to do so until the flow of blood had stopped.

At last the wounded man regained consciousness and asked for a drink of water. The emperor ran down to the stream and brought back a jug of fresh water. Meanwhile, the sun had disappeared and the night air had begun to turn cold. The hermit gave the emperor a hand in carrying the man into the hut where they laid him down on the hermit's bed. The man closed his eyes and lay quietly. The emperor was worn out from the long day of climbing the mountain and digging the garden. Leaning against the doorway, he fell asleep. When he rose, the sun had already risen over the mountain. For a moment he forgot where he was and what he had come here for. He looked over to the bed and saw the wounded man also looking around him in confusion. When he saw the emperor, he stared at him intently and then said in a faint whisper, "Please forgive me."

"But what have you done that I should forgive you?" the emperor asked.

"You do not know me, your majesty, but I know you. I was your sworn enemy, and I had vowed to take vengeance on you, for during the last war you killed my brother and seized my property. When I learned that you were coming alone to the mountain to meet the hermit, I resolved to surprise you on your way back to kill you. But after waiting a long time there was still no sign of you, and so I left my ambush in order to seek you out. But instead of finding you, I came across your attendants, who recognized me, giving me this wound. Luckily, I escaped and ran here. If I hadn't met you I would surely be dead by now. I had intended to kill you, but instead you saved my life! I am ashamed and grateful beyond words. If I live, I vow to be your servant for the rest of my life, and I will bid my children and grandchildren to do the same. Please grant me your forgiveness."

The emperor was overjoyed to see that he was so easily reconciled with a former enemy. He not only forgave the man but promised to return all the man's property and to send his own physician and servants to wait on the man until he was completely healed. After ordering his attendants to take the man home, the emperor returned to see the hermit. Before returning to the palace the emperor wanted to repeat his three questions one last time. He found the hermit sowing seeds in the earth they had dug the day before.

The hermit stood up and looked at the emperor. "But your questions have already been answered."

"How's that?" the emperor asked, puzzled.

"Yesterday, if you had not taken pity on my age and given me a hand with digging these beds, you would have been attacked by that man on your way home. Then you would have deeply regretted not staying with me. Therefore the most important time was the time you were digging in the beds, the most important person was myself, and the most important pursuit was to help me. Later, when the wounded man ran up here, the most important time was the time you spent dressing his wound, for if you had not cared for him he would have died and you would have lost the chance to be reconciled with him. Likewise, he was the most important person, and the most important pursuit was taking care of his wound. Remember that there is only one important time and is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future. The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at you side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life."

Leo Tolstoy

my fabulous eve

If getting dissed by the Red Cross isn't enough to ruin my self-esteem, stepping in dog pooo is.

on abuse

The children in this story may have been removed by child services for reasons beyond their parents' obvious beliefs. Regardless, the media flurry last month likely sparked interest to look into this family.

So now the obvious, albeit tangential question: When does cult affiliation and cultlike behavior become child abuse?

Less obvious and admittedly anecdotally-informed answer: More often than you think.*

This is a gnarly knot for those of us (read: me) of the classical liberal persuasion. At what point does "I don't agree with your parental beliefs/convictions but I'll defend your right to raise your children in the manner you wish" become, "I don't agree with your parental beliefs/convictions but I'll defend your right to abuse your children"? Egad! Yes, I really mean to stipulate that beliefs, in and of themselves, can be a form of child abuse. Irrespective of whether more traditional child abuse is taking place by the parents or while under their care.

Now as my mother drafts an email renouncing having spent 18 years of her life homeschooling me... let's dig into why this is such a tricky minefield for tepid-to-ardent advocates of the harm principle.

When does the collective "we" determine that a parent's convictions are causing immediate or developmental harm to his child? Even with society's many conflicting belief systems, an anemic objective measure is possible. A rigorous standard... well that's the sort of thing that starts wars. And for good reason. Point being, this is a pretty touchy subject.

How does one even decide which set of convictions to use as a benchmark for all others? My tentative answer is "can't be done." At least not without sacrificing huge swaths of individual autonomy. It would, probably, also violate the US Constitution.

And now I arrive at my inevitable conclusion that this is an economic calculation. How much child abuse are we (the people) willing to tolerate to permit a free-thinking heterogeneous country? And how much parental choice are we willing to cede to avoid a brutal one?

My personal (and highly cynical) stance: If every succeeding parental generation screws up their progeny a little less than the preceding parental generation, well that's a pretty good deal. After all, future generations will be wealthier and better able to afford psychotherapy. If I am any indication, they'll need it.

*Unless you think it takes a village to raise a child -- in that case, about as often as you think.

o lost

This is not a political statement nor moral judgment. I assign no villain.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7812885.stm

For you who have witnessed “real” modern war, whether in the Balkans, Middle East, et al., these images must lack the surprise element. You already know. You have lived among death and destruction of this sort.

Over the years, the collective ‘you’ have told me of your experiences. This long minute of filmed deformity peals away my visual imaginations. My fairy-tale picture of horror, gore, wreckage, and carnage loses its reality. And is exchanged for a world of a stone, a leaf, an unfound door.

O lost.

“O waste of loss, in the hot mazes, lost, among the bright stars on this most weary unbright cinder, lost! Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.”

old song for a new year

My wish for 2009 is a chance to visit the bonny bonny banks of Loch Lomond.

Smile, its Runrig, circa 1989.