for the idiomatically challenged

Dear JRP

Many Americans believe that they are unique in their need and use of the toilet. As a result, this activity is euphemistically referred to as “going to the restroom” or “bathroom.” It is a mystery why our more evolved fellow-countrypersons still frequent these areas; one plausible explanation has is it as a socially polite way for a group of girls to have a quick gossip session.

There are a few areas of society that generally recognize this activity as a more universal need. Typically speaking, such individuals are parents of children between the ages of 2 and 7, or pre-school teachers. These aberrations can be identified by their almost constant queries regarding “needing to go potty” or in general, the mere use of the word “potty.” For some parents, such expressions may continue well into their child’s adolescent years though many behavioral scientists believe this is merely a sub-conscious way of publicly humiliating the teen.

Enjoy your newfound knowledge.

Sincerely

The Idiom Answerman

Seven and Counting

In a far-away land, a long long time ago, my mum and dad introduced me to something they called manners. This notion did not come naturally to me, as it is in fact a concept quite foreign to the uncivilized 4-year old mind. But, like so many things that involve parents, resistance was futile and eventually I became quite the well-mannered, though perhaps slightly sarcastic, girl that you all know and love.

As such a polite young lady, I've attempted to use the proper Scottish terms while residing in Glasgow. Instead of asking where I can buy soccer cleats, I ask about 'boots'. Likewise, 'pitch' instead of field, 'university' rather than college, 'underground" instead of subway, 'half nine' instead of nine-thirty. In fact the only local expression that I actually understand but can't seem to say is 'going to the toilet'... yes, toilet is the operative word out here.

So it is only natural, that I say 'football' when referring to soccer. This is proving to be a bit of a problem. In the past eleven days I've been asked seven different times to clarify whether I was talking about American football or soccer. After time six, I got quite clever and decided to just say 'soccer'. Not surprisingly, I received a charming dressing-down about how the sport is properly and appropriately termed football since it is played with the feet etc etc etc.

I can't put up with another such lecture...I'm up to seven and counting!

Oh How the Mighty Are Fallin'

Everyone and his aunt have a theory of why American superstars are anything but at the Ryder Cup. And of course, these guesses are all rubbish. I admit, I have no idea why Tiger continues to play poorly in this event. He certainly knows how match play is won... he has six straight USGA match play titles to prove that. It's not that he doesn't care... he is way too much of a perfectionist to not care about his less then impressive record. And please don't tell me that the pressure is just too much for him... whatever is the root cause, this I just can't see.

The other superstars... exactly who would you have in mind? Lefty? Sure he's the "people's player" and obviously very good but his icon status has less to do with his game and more to do with his cult following. DiMarco may be the Clay Aiken of the PGA but, that in itself explains the problem.

Furyk may be short off the tee and Toms may be short on the tee, but both are simply fantastic players. Clearly neither are what you'd call dominating, but they play smart golf. Verplank and Zach Johnson probably won't be winning American Idol anytime soon, but these two could easily continue to play spoiler to the Euro squad.

Who knows what might happen if Capt. Lehman took a look at the-Torrance-book-of-gutsy-plays and gaveTiger, Lefty, and Aiken the afternoon off. Those "2nd stringers" have big-time game and can't wait to prove it.

Some Like It Hot

Apparently, the Scots do believe in absolute right and wrong... in matters of tea. According to one older connoisseur of the beverage , "if te waeter's naight boilinn, eye maight ez weaille draink me dishwaeter." Even on airplanes, which have been known to on occasion experience turbulence, nothing below 100C should be served. "Eye knowe et's haight! Eye wainte haight! Eye'm naight goinn te sue baicause ets boilinn." It would seem that the experts have spoken.

In other news, despite trailing by two points after the first day of Ryder Cup play, I think the Americans are in a position to capture the cup this go around. In tomorrows fourball, look for strong play from the duos of Mickelson/DiMarco, Woods/Furyk, and Verplank/ Johnson. Don't be surprised if the Verplank/Johnson pairing surfaces in the afternoon foursomes as well.

On a more serious note, I'm struggling not to read the synopsii of the first episodes of my favorite medical soaps. Additionally, my Scottish health insurance refuses to cover trashy-American-TV detox programs (though they do cover trauma caused by BBC shows involving little old ladies solving murder mysteries every week in the same village of roughly 100 people.) The state of health care these days is truly tragic.

Of Pants and Pudding

After a few nights of 'pudding' that resembled things like spongecake or yogurt, it has finally been explained that 'pudding' isn't a type of dessert... it is dessert. This course is promptly followed by tea and biscuits which really ought to be called "second pudding."

Then there is the issue of my 'pants', or more specifically, the use of the word 'pants' in reference to trousers. Apparently, announcing that one will be ready after "changing my pants" is not a subject for polite conversation... though it is a guaranteed way of making wee lassies giggle uncontrollably.

At least I needn't worry about sounding 'posh'.

Left & Right: Revisited

It is commonly known that I am left-right challenged. The last time this was a particular problem was when I first began driving... when told to turn left, I had about a 77% chance of actually going left. Unfortunately, when instructed to turn right I went left roughly 76% of the time. This led to utter frustration for my poor mom who finally reverted to "hook" and "slice" when giving directions.

Over the years, there has been progress and until recently, this "disability" had only a small impact on my daily life; typically limited to personal embarrassment.

Enter UK right-hand driving. Pedestrians here need to look right-left-right when crossing the street as opposed to left-right-left. This is especially important on busy streets like Byres Rd (pictured above) which border the campus. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure why this is a dangerous situation for someone like myself. Surprisingly, I've only stepped in front of a moving car once. (Dad, don't worry... it was only a little taxi.)

Glasga Uni

Founded in 1451, GU is the fourth oldest english-speaking university in existence and the second oldest in Scotland (St. Andrews has us beat by a few decades.)

This picture is of the east quad. Not only does the west quad look just as fantastic, the archway separating the two continues to give me goosebumps.

While most of this extensive campus continues in both Gothic and Victorian styles, there are a few unfortunate and unpictured exceptions. Sadly, this includes the Adam Smith concrete slab (my home for the next year) which only narrowly misses winning the "ugly building on campus award."



This"beauty shot" of the main tower was taken from the north end of university ave - one of my favorite spots.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the campus really blended in with the surrounding area. Much of the West End and City Centre was built during the late 19th century when Glasgow was the second wealthiest city in the British Empire. As a result, the architecture is primarily Victorian, though some Georgian structures remain.

Of course, by the 1960s the stonework was black from decades of pollution resulting from the extensive industry in the city and coal burning heating of many homes. One Glaswegian I spoke with recalled that during this time it was necessary to wear an oxygen mask just to breath. Pollution combined with the fog making visibility nil.

After the passage of the clean air act in the UK which banned coal burning stoves, the air quality in Glasgow and other industrial cities dramatically improved. In the 80s the city began cleaning the grime off the old buildings and discovered the gorgeous sandstone underneath.

This is not the city of William Wallace and Rob Roy. Rather, much of historic Glasgow is a indicative of the time when Britain was the superpower of the world and young men were expected upon completing university studies to continue the reach of the empire. Might this evidence of past glories be more accurately a silent tribute to a man who transformed the world with an invisible hand?

Welcome to Kasredin

CS Lewis once quipped, "with the possible exception of the equator, everything begins somewhere." So welcome to my initiation into the blogasphere.

Kasredin, will be primarily about me but is entirely for you. It's meant to be fresh, entertaining, on occasion thought- provoking; which means I expect active readers (in the Mortimer Adler sense.) So, give me feedback on what you like, what you hate, what's flat boring, and what you would like to see more of. All I ask is that posted comments be appropriate for all ages.

Enjoy Kasredin