a tale of two shows

ER nurse 1 :"Doctor... Doctor... the patient is crashing. Tell us what you want us to do."

(camera pans, slows, speeds up, gets a bit blurry... indicating uncertainty, time-space suspension, time-space acceleration...basically confusion....)

ER nurse 2: "Doctor! You have to tell us what you want us to do. Now."

intern 1: "Alright, push one of epi and ventilate. Charge paddles to 250. Clear...

(monitor shows normal heartbeat)

nurse 1: "Now what doctor?"

intern 1:"Page neuro... And get fashion up here. Stat!"

(Intern leaves room and is stopped by angry resident in hallway)

Resident:"Dyou want to tell me whaut just happened? Because, I, think, I saw you, sittin on your behind, waitn to be told what tadooh. Yuh are a docta, act like it!"

(Resident waddles off muttering something disparaging about interns)

later...

Attending neuro: "Who is presenting?"

intern 1: "Mhairi Anderson. Age 19, student at Glasgow University. Admitted early this morning with multiple seizures."

Attending neuro: "Cause?"

intern 1: "Nothing in the patient history. But her skin... its orange."

Attending neuro: "Humph. Are you suggesting that the fake tan is somehow seeping into her brain? Interesting. Get her up to CT and get a full lab work up."

Attending fashion: "We don't need a CT. What this girl needs is a catwalk. I mean look at her... look at what she's wearing: pink striped bubble skirt with boots pulled up over the green polka-dot leggings. Unless she bought this all in the last 24hrs, that application of fake tan isn't explanation for what is going on here."

intern 1: "Do you want a psych consult?" (raises eyebrow)

Attending fashion: "No, between my stints with Mayo and Project Runway I spent a few months in glasgow. This is a classic case of fashion-myopia-glasgwegium... Glasgow Syndrome. Do your homework, I'd expect you to know that!"

Attending neuro: "I still want that CT. Sure, you have a hunch but.."

Attending fashion: "Look, run your tests, but I've seen this hundreds of times... with and without the fake tan. The fashion patterns around the campus at Glasgow uni cause seizures. Its like overexposure to strobe lights... but in this case its toxic levels of really bad clothing choices. Mismatched fashion is dangerous-- but, not operable. (Pause) Unless of course you are one of a handful of fashion surgeons who know how to separate fetal blood vessels... I mean... separate a girl from pink fishnet stockings and furry sweaters. Lucky for her, I am."

intern 1: "But she's wearing polka-dot tights."

Attending fashion: "Exactly. We only have a small window of opportunity before she's auf'd."