Married in Mexico

An Open Letter to my Mum and Dad

I can't recall the first time you two told me the story of your "meeting," falling in love, and getting married. I'm pretty confident that I failed to grasp the depth of your lunacy. Had I understood, no doubt I would have run away from home desperately hoping that this sort of thing wasn't genetic. (Ok, so I didn't actually know about genes and stuff like that at 4 years old...).

By the time I was a teenager, I began to wonder whether this was just a really long-running joke. After all, you tried to convince us that there were people living alternate lives in the mirror, so maybe, ages before, the two of you concocted this story about getting married in the back of Tijuanan barber shop after meeting only once. I could imagine Britney Spears doing that sort of thing (wait, that actually sounds like something she did do), but not my upstanding parents.

The point is, every anniversery I expected, I hoped, you would come clean... "No, we were married in Conneticut in a church with a white picket fence... the whole Tijuana thing was something that got laughs on a nationwide stand-up tour we did in 1983. We never told you that we were a famous comedy duo? I'm sure we mentioned it... honey, are you sure you never told them? Well, alright... we have told you where babies come from...yes?" (You did always know how to get out of a conversation.)

In recent years, I've grown quite attached to this tale and I sincerely request that should it be in fact, well... a hoax, that you will never ever admit it. Let your soon to arrive first grandchild believe that back in the day, "gramps and nana were pretty cool." Sure, its not what most people would term dignified or even "romantic"... but nobody ever said that about Rocky & Bullwinkle, Abbot & Costello, or Bert & Ernie and thought less of them. All I'm saying, is that from where I stand, you guys are in pretty good company.

So allow me on the eve of your 31st wedding anniversery to lift my can of Lysol and offer up this traditional Scottish toast to the two of you and to the entire family (especially including my brother and his absolutely gorgeous wife).

May the best you've ever seen
Be the worst you'll ever see;
May a moose ne'er leave yer girnal
Wi' a teardrop in his e'e.
May ye aye keep hale and hearty
Till ye're auld enough tae dee,
May ye aye be just as happy
As I wish ye aye tae be.


Sincerely,

the kid not in the picture