are we there yet?

Probably not.

Big deal.

Relax.

Take that chill pill. (Note: if Benadryl is the CP of choice, don't follow with booze.)

Go look at some tulips. (Or other pretty flower-like object in bloom.)

Have some pasta.

Eat some delicious homemade bread.

Sleep.

Dream happy.

Gay Marriage and Religious Freedom -- Get the Facts Straight

This is a truly excellent short video. A must watch for anyone interested in liberty, freedom of religion, and an informed electorate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0dKMhYSX20&feature=player_embedded

3 questions...

One day it occurred to a certain emperor that if he only knew the answers to three questions, he would never stray in any matter.

What is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?

The emperor issued a decree throughout his kingdom announcing that whoever could answer the questions would receive a great reward. Many who read the decree made their way to the palace at once, each person with a different answer.

In reply to the first question, one person advised that the emperor make up a thorough time schedule, consecrating every hour, day, month, and year for certain tasks and then follow the schedule to the letter. Only then could he hope to do every task at the right time.

Another person replied that it was impossible to plan in advance and that the emperor should put all vain amusements aside and remain attentive to everything in order to know what to do at what time.

Someone else insisted that, by himself, the emperor could never hope to have all the foresight and competence necessary to decide when to do each and every task and what he really needed was to set up a Council of the Wise and then to act according to their advice.

Someone else said that certain matters required immediate decision and could not wait for consultation, but if he wanted to know in advance what was going to happen he should consult magicians and soothsayers.

The responses to the second question also lacked accord.

One person said that the emperor needed to place all his trust in administrators, another urged reliance on priests and monks, while others recommended physicians. Still others put their faith in warriors.

The third question drew a similar variety of answers. Some said science was the most important pursuit. Others insisted on religion. Yet others claimed the most important thing was military skill.

-------------------------------

The emperor was not pleased with any of the answers, and no reward was given.

After several nights of reflection, the emperor resolved to visit a hermit who lived up on the mountain and was said to be an enlightened man. The emperor wished to find the hermit to ask him the three questions, though he knew the hermit never left the mountains and was known to receive only the poor, refusing to have anything to do with persons of wealth or power. So the emperor disguised himself as a simple peasant and ordered his attendants to wait for him at the foot of the mountain while he climbed the slope alone to seek the hermit.

Reaching the holy man's dwelling place, the emperor found the hermit digging a garden in front of his hut. When the hermit saw the stranger, he nodded his head in greeting and continued to dig. The labor was obviously hard on him. He was an old man, and each time he thrust his spade into the ground to turn the earth, he heaved heavily.

The emperor approached him and said, "I have come here to ask your help with three questions: When is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?"

The hermit listened attentively but only patted the emperor on the shoulder and continued digging. The emperor said, "You must be tired. Here, let me give you a hand with that." The hermit thanked him, handed the emperor the spade, and then sat down on the ground to rest.

After he had dug two rows, the emperor stopped and turned to the hermit and repeated his three questions. The hermit still did not answer, but instead stood up and pointed to the spade and said, "Why don't you rest now? I can take over again." But the emperor continued to dig. One hour passed, then two. Finally the sun began to set behind the mountain. The emperor put down the spade and said to the hermit, "I came here to ask if you could answer my three questions. But if you can't give me any answer, please let me know so that I can get on may way home."

The hermit lifted his head and asked the emperor, "Do you hear someone running over there?" The emperor turned his head. They both saw a man with a long white beard emerge from the woods. He ran wildly, pressing his hands against a bloody wound in his stomach. The man ran toward the emperor before falling unconscious to the ground, where he lay groaning. Opening the man's clothing, the emperor and hermit saw that the man had received a deep gash. The emperor cleaned the wound thoroughly and then used his own shirt to bandage it, but the blood completely soaked it within minutes. He rinsed the shirt out and bandaged the wound a second time and continued to do so until the flow of blood had stopped.

At last the wounded man regained consciousness and asked for a drink of water. The emperor ran down to the stream and brought back a jug of fresh water. Meanwhile, the sun had disappeared and the night air had begun to turn cold. The hermit gave the emperor a hand in carrying the man into the hut where they laid him down on the hermit's bed. The man closed his eyes and lay quietly. The emperor was worn out from the long day of climbing the mountain and digging the garden. Leaning against the doorway, he fell asleep. When he rose, the sun had already risen over the mountain. For a moment he forgot where he was and what he had come here for. He looked over to the bed and saw the wounded man also looking around him in confusion. When he saw the emperor, he stared at him intently and then said in a faint whisper, "Please forgive me."

"But what have you done that I should forgive you?" the emperor asked.

"You do not know me, your majesty, but I know you. I was your sworn enemy, and I had vowed to take vengeance on you, for during the last war you killed my brother and seized my property. When I learned that you were coming alone to the mountain to meet the hermit, I resolved to surprise you on your way back to kill you. But after waiting a long time there was still no sign of you, and so I left my ambush in order to seek you out. But instead of finding you, I came across your attendants, who recognized me, giving me this wound. Luckily, I escaped and ran here. If I hadn't met you I would surely be dead by now. I had intended to kill you, but instead you saved my life! I am ashamed and grateful beyond words. If I live, I vow to be your servant for the rest of my life, and I will bid my children and grandchildren to do the same. Please grant me your forgiveness."

The emperor was overjoyed to see that he was so easily reconciled with a former enemy. He not only forgave the man but promised to return all the man's property and to send his own physician and servants to wait on the man until he was completely healed. After ordering his attendants to take the man home, the emperor returned to see the hermit. Before returning to the palace the emperor wanted to repeat his three questions one last time. He found the hermit sowing seeds in the earth they had dug the day before.

The hermit stood up and looked at the emperor. "But your questions have already been answered."

"How's that?" the emperor asked, puzzled.

"Yesterday, if you had not taken pity on my age and given me a hand with digging these beds, you would have been attacked by that man on your way home. Then you would have deeply regretted not staying with me. Therefore the most important time was the time you were digging in the beds, the most important person was myself, and the most important pursuit was to help me. Later, when the wounded man ran up here, the most important time was the time you spent dressing his wound, for if you had not cared for him he would have died and you would have lost the chance to be reconciled with him. Likewise, he was the most important person, and the most important pursuit was taking care of his wound. Remember that there is only one important time and is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future. The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at you side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life."

Leo Tolstoy

my fabulous eve

If getting dissed by the Red Cross isn't enough to ruin my self-esteem, stepping in dog pooo is.

on abuse

The children in this story may have been removed by child services for reasons beyond their parents' obvious beliefs. Regardless, the media flurry last month likely sparked interest to look into this family.

So now the obvious, albeit tangential question: When does cult affiliation and cultlike behavior become child abuse?

Less obvious and admittedly anecdotally-informed answer: More often than you think.*

This is a gnarly knot for those of us (read: me) of the classical liberal persuasion. At what point does "I don't agree with your parental beliefs/convictions but I'll defend your right to raise your children in the manner you wish" become, "I don't agree with your parental beliefs/convictions but I'll defend your right to abuse your children"? Egad! Yes, I really mean to stipulate that beliefs, in and of themselves, can be a form of child abuse. Irrespective of whether more traditional child abuse is taking place by the parents or while under their care.

Now as my mother drafts an email renouncing having spent 18 years of her life homeschooling me... let's dig into why this is such a tricky minefield for tepid-to-ardent advocates of the harm principle.

When does the collective "we" determine that a parent's convictions are causing immediate or developmental harm to his child? Even with society's many conflicting belief systems, an anemic objective measure is possible. A rigorous standard... well that's the sort of thing that starts wars. And for good reason. Point being, this is a pretty touchy subject.

How does one even decide which set of convictions to use as a benchmark for all others? My tentative answer is "can't be done." At least not without sacrificing huge swaths of individual autonomy. It would, probably, also violate the US Constitution.

And now I arrive at my inevitable conclusion that this is an economic calculation. How much child abuse are we (the people) willing to tolerate to permit a free-thinking heterogeneous country? And how much parental choice are we willing to cede to avoid a brutal one?

My personal (and highly cynical) stance: If every succeeding parental generation screws up their progeny a little less than the preceding parental generation, well that's a pretty good deal. After all, future generations will be wealthier and better able to afford psychotherapy. If I am any indication, they'll need it.

*Unless you think it takes a village to raise a child -- in that case, about as often as you think.

o lost

This is not a political statement nor moral judgment. I assign no villain.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7812885.stm

For you who have witnessed “real” modern war, whether in the Balkans, Middle East, et al., these images must lack the surprise element. You already know. You have lived among death and destruction of this sort.

Over the years, the collective ‘you’ have told me of your experiences. This long minute of filmed deformity peals away my visual imaginations. My fairy-tale picture of horror, gore, wreckage, and carnage loses its reality. And is exchanged for a world of a stone, a leaf, an unfound door.

O lost.

“O waste of loss, in the hot mazes, lost, among the bright stars on this most weary unbright cinder, lost! Remembering speechlessly we seek the great forgotten language, the lost lane-end into heaven, a stone, a leaf, an unfound door. Where? When?

O lost, and by the wind grieved, ghost, come back again.”

old song for a new year

My wish for 2009 is a chance to visit the bonny bonny banks of Loch Lomond.

Smile, its Runrig, circa 1989.

very nice

May I recommend a listen to Serge Taneyev's Piano Trio in D Major Op. 22. As Borat might say, its "very nice".

rum can replace having a soul

It's that time of year. Again! That time when those friendly lawyerly profs apologetically or sadistically pronounce "hey class, as if we haven't made your life enough of a misery since, well whenever, finals are here!" Happy Hanukkah indeed.

So, congrats to my erstwhile colleagues for doing what they do, so well. (In case you don't know what that is, lets just describe it as massive amounts of self-inflicted self-esteem crumbling and all-around misery.) And my sincerest sympathies for the soiling of your hopes and dreams in the ultimately misguided attempt to attain those hopes and dreams via law school.

Don't worry, if money can't buy happiness, it can buy the near empty and hollow equivalent: booze. Now, get those student loans to good use and clink some pint glasses, shot glasses, and handles' of the Captain.

right at the light

For all those times that I don't remember. It wasn't as if you didn't care. Even when you weren't there.

For all the kisses that weren't kissed. It wasn't as if you didn't want them. Even when you turned away.

So why tears, why now? So why guilt, why now? Have your stories finally rung hollow to your ears?

Walk till you come to the spoiled stone fence. Take a left. Walk till you see the right at the light.

"ouch"

Who knew vacuum cleaners were so hilarious?!?!? (Click here and check out the right-hand column for amusement and temporary flashes of empathetic pain.)

... a conversation to be

"I feel a constant thirst though I'm always drinking," she sang.

"That's ok" her sister smiles.

"I'm falling, walking stone from stone."

"Smile," the older girl says. "This song is a good thing."

playing grownup

We do the grocery shopping, clean the flat, and tell ourselves "no" when we ask for the 15th time if we can buy another pint of Ben & Jerry's. We have our own insurance, claim ourselves on tax forms, and set the curfews. Five days a week we put on dress-up clothes, get on a real live train, and somehow manage to arrive at so-called work before you-got-here-late-today o'clock. And we get the rent in on time. Well, at least some of the time.

We have these real responsibilities and people actually do depend on us -- especially when people is loosely defined to include our pet hamster, Frank, and the first person singular. So why does all this still feel like playing grownup? And what magic will keep it this way?!?!?

smile, i'm broke

I am not a fan of the thanksgiving holiday. Truth is, I'm apt to snarl at length on the inherent hypocrisy of the event. One day to express gratitude? Really?

That said...

During this time of mass layoffs, economic nationalization, retirement-accounts-turned-vanishing-acts, and all the other financial hysteria, it may be difficult to recall that there are some things worth being grateful for. Things like avocados or cottage-cheesed pasta. Or friends who understand why there won't be presents circa December 25 or who appreciate that the week of Jan19 might not be the best time to crash at the DC pad. And certainly for bathtubs that are ideal size for long hot soaks that leave one's skin looking like prunes.

So, I am thankful for employment, my over-radiated apartment, patient friends, and yummy things I can actually afford to buy at the grocery store. Thankful today, this Thursday, and some random 45 second slice the first week of December.

apparently we do... some of the time

"We will not negotiate with terrorists." Not only is this ultimatum a foolhardy notion, turns out it isn't even true. The powers that be negotiate when the terrorists are AIG, Citigroup, Detroit, et al other companies too "big" to fail. Except here we mistakenly confuse this as capitalism, instead of what it really is -- economic terrorism.

brewthanks

What if I had never lost my nerve
Or if the pain had waited til' later
Maybe then I'd be there
What if I had waited for the ball
Never wondering why
It didn't appear
What if I had made it one stop more
And kept the mountains
Where I knew where
What if I had left the party early
Smiled a good morning
Then stayed the year
What if I had made fewer regrets
Found less time for joy
Leaving it all a tear

oh, no!

Bad news on the pirate front. An Indian naval ship took out a suspected pirate mother ship. Reading this update made me sad -- its almost as if the governments/militaries of the world are uniting to destroy the romantic hopes and dreams of a bunch of privileged white younguns'. Hey grownups -- this is NOT change we can believe in!

Listen up, we want pirates. So here's the plan. Harass those guys, harangue em', on occasion even blow up their ships. Make it tough for them to score. Pirates are naturally cool, but pirates who have to be kung-fu masterminds of Battleship are waaaaay cooler. And do your part to keep our warm cuddly pirates bad ass and topical. Maybe stage a few inevitably flawed helicopter rescue attempts with camera-wearing commandos.

Give us drama, give us some laughs, a few poignant love triangles. But for christmas-sake, leave those pirates' mamas out of this.

further proofs that i'm 5

As if any were needed...

I'm all kinds of excited that piracy is on the rise. Yes, my wannabe pretend-to-be adult brain says "This trend increases the transaction costs associated with international freight shipment-- and that has to be bad for trade. Not to mention that the potential for environmental catastrophe for all the fishies is like, big. In the event that a hijacked supertanker has a spill, or goes up in flames, who is liable?"

But the real me goes "Yippee~ I want to be a pirate too. I do I do I do."

a declaration in the key of me

In my ongoing effort to eradicate the 1st person plural from usage I propose to:

1. Amend Thomas Jefferson's application of "we" to I and/or the currently assembled group of oldish white men who kinda agree.
2. Eliminate "we" from the first line of the US Constitution. The people is a fine way of beginning the document although, The currently assembled group of oldish white male property owners who kinda agree would provide a more descriptive and illuminating introduction to all following themes and items.
3. Replace all instances of "we" in "We Shall Overcome" to you and I. As in, You and I shall overcome or you and I shall all be free some day.

Next word on the chopping block: propose.

et cetera

Reasons I broke up with Daniel Craig:

• His lovely, lustful toned abs made me want to cry
• Financial troubles (i.e., he had a job)
• He traveled frequently
• When we cuddled he just talked and talked about his feelings
• He quit smoking
• Didn't mind filming steamy love scenes for some movie, but wouldn't film one with me
• His overall lack of ambition